I’m a human again?

I made many promises to myself at the beginning of the year. I threw that list out mid-March, maybe? Because sometimes you really do just need to focus on the present moment, breathe; move into the next moment, breathe. Being back at school was strange. In the time I was away from it, I was so stressed out by how I should be back in it that I never actually managed to get away or find the peace I needed to process college in a healthier? way. I came back, took on a super light course load and was doing alright. Until I had to work on my final thesis and the same lack of support that characterized my four years enrolled reared its head for a final battle. There are ways that academic institutions, administrators, can crush you that honestly should be jailable offences. So much of my current mentality that I have to do everything by myself comes from how much disappointment has characterized my relationships with structures of support since I left home. I’ve been so let down, so discarded, so hurt by people I was supposed to be able to trust. And so yes, I went to this fancy school and did these cool things but at what expense? In exchange for how much trauma? I graduated; and even though the next couple months are still murky, I am so grateful, so absolutely happy, to be finished with this. I feel like a human again. And yes, I still am an unclassed human; a confused human; the kind of human the world doesn’t protect in so many of the expressions of who I am- but I am no longer these things and also a yale undergraduate human. And for that, I am thankful. I can at least look forward, able to breathe again.